Change It All
by averylovesapril
Summary: After the divorce, April gets into a car accident and somehow finds herself living in the past - her own past. April's time traveling through her own life begins with the night before the boards, and she is left with the decision of if she should change her life for the better.
1. Chapter 1: Happened So Fast

_Hi! So I got this prompt sent in from sarahleenyc on tumblr, to basically do a time traveling April fanfic where she changes her life, I've got a pretty solid plan of where I want this story to go as well ideas from the original prompt so I hope it's enjoyed and I know the whole idea is pretty complicated but I tried to make sure it made sense! Hopefully it will!_

 _ **Hope**_. It's a funny thing. Some people have it, believe in it, - need it. Some people don't, they don't have a thread of faith in them, they'll trust themselves, they'll trust their instinct. April Kepner has always been the first type of person. She was raised that way, to believe, and to love and live and lead a life full of hope. She has always been this way, she has always been a painful optimistic, 'the glass is always half empty ', there is good in everything type of girl. Always. _Well, she used to be._

It all happened so fast, the whole day did. The sudden realisation she had that morning, the unexpected pregnancy, and finally a divorce, you really can't think a day like that can get any worse. See, you really shouldn't think like that, because as soon as you do, the universe holds it middle finger up and says 'Fuck You'.

The trauma surgeon first felt her feet fly off the peddles, like their were floating in the air, then the rush of her head hit the car ceiling, it was just meant to be a simple swerve, she was avoiding another car, she didn't know what happened. But suddenly, everything was spinning, her heart rushing faster than ever before, the feeling of a breathlessness in her airway, and just like the rest of that day it ended so quickly. It happened so fast.

 _"If something feels this good it can't be bad, right?"_ April gasped out, her hands rested upon her best friends waist, and her eyes desperately searching into his. She's felt this before or has she? This overwhelming beat in her chest, the inevitable smile growing across her face and he latches into her small frame, the way she reassures him, promises him, that it's okay, wants this, she wants him, she's sure she's felt this before, felt this much love for him, but she can't because she's April Kepner, and she's a 29 year old virgin, everyone knows it, so why is her head mumbled up, why does she seem to know for herself? The redhead was raised to believe in God, and everything God does, has to have purpose and a meaning, so maybe she's here in this moment for a purpose, maybe God's letting re-live one of the best moments of her life, April felt her best friend lips tug onto her again, swiftly lifts her up and pull her into the hotel room. So she decides that if she has the chance to re-live this moment again, then she will. Even though she knows this isn't right, she knows the future for herself, she knows this isn't real, and her and Jackson don't work out, but she has a chance now to re-live this moment, to fix it, to live it the right way. So she will.

"Wow, that was really great. You were really great." Jackson reminisces, turning at smile up at her, she giggles in agreement, it feels strange, she thinks, to know that she's felt this before, she's lived this before, she knows what he's going to say and what he's going to do, unless of course she changes it. Jackson pulls her attention back towards him, when he asks her if they're glad they did it, she nods, deciding that if she's allowed to re-live this one moment, then she's sure as hell allowed to change it. April leans her hand up to stroke the plastic surgeon cheeks, and he leans down and captures her slow and soft kiss, different from any of those kisses they've shared prior, well different to him. "We should get some sleep." He whispers to her and she nods in agreement, "Will you stay with me? Please?" Jackson doesn't even hesitate before nodding and scooping her body into his to lay next to her. Honestly, she's curious, if she did let him stay that night, in her reality, would anything have changed, would it have worked out better? Less complicated? Mentally cursing herself for what she's about to do, she calls out to him the darkness of their now shared hotel room, he murmurs an acknowledgement to her, so she somehow finds the courage to speak up. "Jackson, I - I'm religious. I love Jesus. And God, and faith. I am a person of faith, and that was when I was a virgin, and I know I should've told you, but I guess I was scared to tell you, and I'm not saying I regret what happened tonight, I just - I just wanted you to know, that's why, I would have loved to be a virgin for the man I'm gonna marry but I won't and I'm going to choose to believe that was God's plan." April falls breathless after her confession, worried about the silent reaction she is receiving from the plastic surgeon beside her. "April, I'm sorry." She holds his hands, "No. Don't be. You were right, you were always right. I shouldn't have blamed you, this was a thing we did together, you were right." April notices his confused expression, forgetting that she knows in 'the future' or 'other life' - so she cuts herself off. "I know, it's complicated." She finishes, turning to look at him, he lifts his thumb to push a fallen tear away from her eye, "Sometimes you have no control over what happens in life, but that's what's so great about it, right?" He comforts, "Right." She agrees with a shy smile on her lip, she closes her eyes. The redhead guesses this is her end, that's it over, that she's either reached the end of her life, or at least still won't be living in her past one. She gushes at the feeling of Jackson rubbing circles in her back, wishing she could hold on to that forever, she drifts off, knowing that she can't.

The familiar sensation of him rubbing her back is what she wakes up to. She certainly wasn't expecting that, she expected a flashing bright light and the pearly gates, or maybe the sound of her heart monitor and the cold air of a hospital room, she had plenty of possibilities in her head, but this isn't one, she's not still meant to be living in this moment, the past, she knows what happens from here, she fails her boards, the plane crash, the pregnancy scare, the break up, him with Stephanie and her with Matthew, the wedding, their wedding, Samuel, her leaving, the divorce, and now where she is, or perhaps was, a new pregnancy and a car crash, she remembers it all, she knows her life and their tragic love story, she's memorised it all. So she knows this doesn't happen, after she lost her virginity, she didn't not wake up in Jackson's soothing arms, so maybe she has changed it. Maybe this is the chance her faith gave her, _**maybe she can change it all.**_


	2. Chapter 2: Live it Right

He must feel her stir beside him judging by the way he swifts his body to face her, "Are you okay?" He asks, so she nods a smirk on her lips. "We should probably get ready."

"Yeah, we should. I'll head back to the room."

The way he plants a slow and soft kiss on her lips and caresses her cheek, is familiar to April, noting that he did that when he left the last time, she waves as he leaves and she is left to her own devices.

April breathes in slowly, it's a lot for the surgeon to wrap her around, to understand that she is living her own past, but the redhead supposes there is one thing she has learned, one mistake she could've done better, something she wishes she changed, she wishes she could've found a way to live without hurting him. So, April decides, for now, you can't just stop life, you have to live it.

After a long shower, and placing on her smart casual outfit, she stares back at her reflection, twirling her hand around her hair, she places a small hand on her stomach as a gentle gasp falls from her lips, remembering about the little pink stick from yesterday, she recalls accepting it as she felt the car flip over, accepting that God had different plans for her and her baby, she remembers thinking that she was dead. The surgeon rubbed her temples, her brain physically strained with confusion, even being a person of faith, she is a surgeon, a person of science, so she can't wrap her head around this. Both of her beliefs around God and science, her knowledge of both, well both don't seem to have answers for her. She should be dead, she doesn't know if she still has her baby, she doesn't how or why or who is the reason for her being here, in her own past, but there is one thing she does know. She may not know about her future, but she does know what happened in her past. This is the day she failed her boards, and this is something she knows how to fix.

April splashed water on her face, in the men's bathroom, alike to last time she managed to kick everyone out, except this time she was calmer. Sweat was not dripping from her body, and she was not crying and silently and repeatedly to a God who she has thought had hated her for breaking her promise, no she was calm. Both sessions of the two sessions has gone well, she was calm, collected, she learnt from her mistakes, and she will agree it was a little unfair for her to know every question that were about to ask her so she could mentality prepare herself before hand, but reasonably this whole situation was kind of unfair. She looked at her reflection again, she supposed she looked younger, perhaps it was her longer locks, or maybe she just felt more innocence, an innocence she knew wasn't willing to hang onto for long. Of course she recalls that day in the men's bathroom, his words, his mouth, his everything. Now that April had the chance, the redhead was definitely not going to pass up reliving this moment.

April snapped up her head at the call of her name, immediately followed by an "are you okay?", It's hurts her a little, that's be worried that she's broken, or regrets it, or is hurting, and she supposes just a few years ago, the first time, that was her mindset, the first time she felt like he has taken something from her, it took the surgeon sometime to realise it was not fair to solely blame him, it was both of them, it took her long time to fund understanding and redemption in who she was, most importantly, she was grown. Grown enough to live this moment the right way.

"You don't regret what happened last night, right?" April timdly asks, reminding herself to stay calm, to breathe, to change this moment for both of them.

"Of course not. There's no way I could've regretted what happened between us last night. If I knew I would've regretted it, then it wouldn't have happened."

"But, it did happen." She interjects. "April, our friendship means the world to me, and I know it means the same to you. I'm just scared to ruin it, I'm scared to hurt you."

"Jackson, no. You'd never purposely hurt me." She sighs, still believing this in her present, choosing to believe that he left because he was hurt and she was hurt and he wanted them to stop hurting. You have to believe those things about the people you love, it harder to allow yourself to believe they've made a mistake.

He grabs her hands and places them in his, "Promise me, you're okay?"

"I'm okay. What happened last night, felt good, it felt..."

"Right." He finishes. "Right." The redhead repeats, running a hand across his face, he searches into her eyes, before locking the bathroom door and striding back over to her, as their lips find each others, she relives this moment, finding herself crave him a little more, finding herself slow down for moments to drink it all in, finally concluding what happened that day so long ago felt as right as it did right then and there.

April heard familiar laughter float outside the hospital, and she watched as her fellow residents rejoiced together, taking a deep breath, she refreshes her phone, truly believing she passed it this time, truly deciding this definitely something she changed for the better, something she knows she got right. "Wait, where's April?" Jackson asks the group, his head twisting around to find her, something she recalls from last time, she takes a pause to appreciate that she's the person he wants to celebrate with, be proud with. April dragged her face from her phone, definitely reminiscing, that this time for this moment was the best one. "I passed!" She gleams, the rest of the group cheer, as Jackson grabs her and lifts her up for a hug, it's when they make eye contact, that she feels Meredith, Alex and Cristina strange stares on them, and feels Jackson immediately draw away from her, become distant. April notes that she's not just doing everything right this time because she's already lived through if, not because she's learned from her mistakes, not because she has just to change it, just so she doesn't have to re-live anymore pain, no she recalls feeling grown, lived, experienced, in this body, in this moment.

April has grown, but she still can hurt, and in that moment, he was embarrassed to hold her, to pull their gazes together, that's why he became distant, so, this could change, work out, help April realise why the hell she is here, reliving her own life, or it could all be ruined, because she is grown, but the problem is that he's not lived, not felt that pain, **_he's not grown._**

 _Hi! Sorry for the shortness and long wait for this chapter, hopefully I'll have more time to focus on lengthening my chapters, but for now I'm really busy, and just wanted to get this chapter out! The reception for this fanfic was a lot better than expected and all the reviews have been so sweet! I'll do my best to update as soon as possible!_


	3. Chapter 3: Live in the Moment

**Chapter 3**

April cradled her glass of scotch in her hand as she sloped down on Meredith's couch, after all she's been through the past couple of days, she allowed herself to at least get as drunk as last time, although she will admit she barely remembers that party from the last time she lived it - but from what she does remember - was embarrassing, and she recalls an awful hangover the next day. April pushed her strand of her behind her face, and sighed, she should be happy, the last time she lived this moment, she was a hot mess over failing her boards, in this life, she had already passed them. She had changed that, but the redhead couldn't help feeling defeated over something she hadn't changed yet, or rather someone. It hurt, he was pretty much ignoring her, he got flustered and excused himself when she tried to talk to him, and it was strange to see him like, before he wasn't like this, probably because he pitied her last time, she thought, and also because, last time, she was point blank avoiding him too. She recalls him mentioning, in the bathroom, how he was scared to love her because he didn't want to see her get hurt. He didn't want to hurt her. But April couldn't understand why he couldn't just try.

They made eye contact across the room, and April immediately dropped his gaze, but she felt his body come closer to her and slide next to her on the edge of the coach. "April?" He asks, as she lost her eyes back into his. "Can we go somewhere more private. I think - I think we need to talk."

Even though she was nervous about the outcome of Jackson's sudden need to talk to her in private, she reluctantly stood and followed him up the stairs to one of the now empty bedrooms, Jackson closed the door before staring at her, no words coming out. "Oh come on, Jackman! Talk to me, please! You don't get to sleep with me twice, and then get embarrassed to see with me, you don't get to cover it up with 'I don't want to hurt you', you said it yourself! We shouldn't pretend we never happened!' April puts her hand over her mouth after her rant, cursing herself for telling him the _'we shouldn't pretend we never happened'_ thing, because he hadn't told her that, not in this lifetime anyway, Not to mention how surprised she was at herself to be able to actually shout at him like that, now if only he'd communicate back. "Woah, woah." He starts, hands running does his sides. "Why the hell would you think I'd be embarrassed to been seen with you?" The plastic surgeon asks, his tone strong enough to take April by surprise, yet again. "You've been avoiding me, Jackson. What was I supposed to think?" She sighs, and she feels him closer to her, he uses his thumb to tilt up her face, "I promise I could never be embarrassed of you. I'm sorry I made you feel that way." He says, running goosebumps down April's spine as his thumbs roll around her face. "Why though? Why would you avoid me like this?" April whispers quietly, their shouting match now over, he sighs, "It's other stuff, it's my Mom, I caught her sleep with Richard."

April raising her eyebrows with a smile, reminding herself to act shocked for his sake, she does. It makes sense to her that this would throw him for a loop, the whole Catherine and Richard thing always did. She offers him a reaction, and he continues, "and this." signalling a hand between them, "I told you I didn't want to hurt you, and now that's exactly what I've done, and it's all so much to think about, like what happens after residency when we are opposite sides of the country? How do we figure this out? I'm just - it's a lot."

April smirks at the way he rambles, something she's rarely seen him do, and holds his hands in her own, "Hey, okay? I get it. But, you haven't hurt me, you just - confused me, you know this is a lot for me too, and I don't know how to figure it out either."

"I know." He sighs, and continues, "I think I just wanted to keep us in a happy bubble, nothing bad would happen, nothing would change, if I didn't have to talk to you, or figure everything out, we could just live, you know?" He finishes after taking a deep breath.

"Come on." April says lifting his hand and dragging him out of the room. "Where are we going?" He says with a laugh, the redhead smirks at him, "You just want to live in the moment? Well for know we can. Dance with me, Jackson." She instructs as he follows her to the others in the living room. Living in the moment, it's something April knows all to well about, and Jackson somehow has made her more settled but brought up even more concerns for their future. About how is she meant to make this second life right.

Jackson spins April around the room and then pulls her closer, their hands rest on each other's waists, they dance along to the music in perfect rhythm, they smile and they giggle, they hold each other close, it feels intimate whilst remaining completely PG. It's funny, April thinks, it's as if he knew she needed this, to dance it out, for him to hold her close, and for them just to laugh together. He doesn't know what happens in their future, her past life, but it seems even with all that not happening, without losing Samuel, her going to Jordan, the eventual divorce, it's like he still needs her, and he hasn't lived through those things. It takes awhile before the pair realises the strange stares from the rest of the party. April has forgotten, the rest of the hospital has only ever seen as them as friend's, she's used to them being used to their intimacy, she's curious to why Jackson doesn't seem to care about their questions and judgements, it comforts her. It's when the song slows down and so do they, he tilts her head up to directly face, "Hey, don't think about anyone else right? It doesn't matter what they think. We should just live in the moment. Right?"

April nods with a smile as she admires his comment, he greets her with a surprise kiss, April quickly kissed him back, but she was taken aback, it's usually her who is the assertive kisser. As they break apart, and Jackson rests his forehead against her, they seemed to have gained quite an audience, April can hears whistles and 'woos' in her ears, just before Alex approaches them, and slaps Jackson on the back. "What the hell man! Kepner? Now I have to move out, I mean hell, at least you're getting laid." He says, with a laugh. April rolls her and eyes at him, "Shut up, Alex."

"Wow, man, you've made her feisty. It's hot."

"Shut up, Alex." Jackson repeats.

The rest of the night was sort of a blur, that may of been due to the amount of alcohol April had consumed. She figured she deserved it. She remembers congratulations from Meredith and Cristina for finally taking her maiden voyage, which was immediately followed by Cristina's drunken concerns about the loss of April's virgin superpowers. April found herself admiring Cristina's presence, she forgot how much she missed her. She remembers more dancing, _**more kisses.**_ The redhead does recall that she wasn't anywhere as bad as when she first lived this moment, another thing she can cross off her list that she doesn't have to permanently cringe about.

* * *

It's the next morning and she doesn't remember how she even got home or why she's in Jackson's bed, lying on his chest and cradled into his neck, but she decides to drink it in anyway, the sound of his heartbeat close to her hear, the way his arms are wrapped tightly around her, she decides to for a moment to enjoy this moment, because she missed it, moments like this, she hasn't woken up like this in so long.

Her stirring seems to wake him up, as he smirks down at her and pulls a fallen lock of her hair back behind her ear, "Good morning."

April smirked back at him, admiring him, feeling like she could wake up like she could wake up like forever, she realised something, she couldn't. There's still a future in this life, one that could screw up her plans to fix her past, Jackson notices it, the dip in her smile, her eye's looking away from his, "What's wrong?" The surgical resident asks sitting them both up and running a hand over her cheek.

She joins her eyes with his once again and sighs, "You're going to Tulane, Jackson." He looks up at her, his expression child like, disappointed, "How'd you know I had settled on Tulane?" He asks. Mentally cursing herself for revealing something that in this life, he hadn't yet told her, she coughed, "Lucky guess? I just thought it was your best option."

"Yeah. I guess it is my best option." He sighs, before holding a firmer grip on her waist, "Have you chosen yet? Where you're going?"

Just then, it hit her. Although she had the sudden worry of her fixing her life would be ruined by her going to Tulane, she hadn't factored in where she was going to go. In her past, before she fixed it, she failed her boards, no programs would accept her, then, she didn't have any options, other than to go back to Ohio, one of the things that April regarded as ruining their relationship, even though she came back. Wait.

April has to swallow back the nausea she feels when recalls why she got her job back in this first time she lived her life, in her past, they could afford her, they needed her because of the plane crash, "I have to warn them." April mumbles, and Jackson raises his eyebrows as she stands up out of his grasp, "April?! Are you okay?"

The surgeon shot her eyes firmly onto his, "I need to go in to the hospital. Like right now. I have - a thing. A thing that I really, really need to do. I'll just - I'll see you later." She explains, stuttering along on her words, shaking slightly, he seems to notice, she can tell by his concerned expression but he doesn't comment on it. "Okay. I'll see you soon."

April flew out Jackson's bedroom, barely acknowledgeding Alex's poke's at her about coming out of a guy's bedroom, she leaves.

She's a surgeon. She chose that career to save lives. Today, she was going to make a choice, a change, she was going to most definitely going save lives today, the lives of some _**very**_ important people.

* * *

 _Hi! Apologies for the long wait on this chapter, I've been pretty busy with school recently. I'm going_ _to try my best to get this story on a more regular update schedule as soon as possible. The season 13 premiere gave me some inspiration to write, just wanted to give Japril something more light-hearted this chapter. As always, hope this chapter made sense and was enjoyed, and thanks so much for the reviews so far!_


	4. Chapter 4: Hope In Every Form

_**Chapter 4**_

Struggling to catch her breath, April approached Owen's office with a disheveled mind. Pushing open the office door, Owen looked up from his desk to meet April's concerned face.

"Kepner! Have you made your decision on your fellowship?" The cheif questioned.

April felt her heart twinge in sympathy, her fellowship was the last thing on her mind. She never really knew how Owen felt after the plane crash, she knew he hated the change, how everything was different, that's why she brought her back in her other past.

"Owen, the plane, the one going to Boise?"

"What about it?" He questioned.

"Check that company's safety records. Trust me, either change the charter company or don't let that plane fly."

"Don't worry, I'll check the records."

"No, Owen, promise me you will, okay? The company isn't safe." April pestered, she was nervous that he wouldn't listen to her, but she couldn't tell him what she knew, even though the risk was saving lives, he probably wouldn't believe her anyway.

"I promise, Kepner. Is that all?" Her fellow trauma surgeon asked, before looking back down at his paper work.

"That's all." April nodded, heading out of the office, she drew a huge breath. She hoped he would, but she couldn't live with herself if she let that plane crash happen. Perhaps that's one of the reason's she was here, one thing she could change.

* * *

April sat down at a lunch table along with her fellow surgical residents, placing herself right beside Jackson, she felt his hand run her knee and him smile up at her, as he probably noticed the nervous scowl April had been sporting all day, she knew torturing Owen more about the safety records would just miss him she was crazily paranoid about it all, he didn't know, no one did, no one could understand, she had seen Mark and Lexie around several times today, but she couldn't properly talk to them, they didn't seem real, it didn't seem right to seem walking around, talking, smiling, _**living**_.

It was surreal.

"Kepner, hurry up and eat your fries or I will."

April had to smile at that, it was nice to hear that Alex Karev has never changed. "Shut up, Alex." She retorted, eyebrows furrowed, earning a quiet smirk from Jackson.

"So who's going to Boise tomorrow?" Jackson quizzed, making April feel nauseous, it hurt knowing something no one else knew, and the fact she could never make them understand, the fact she barely understood herself, was so painful.

"Me, Cristina, Alex, Derek, Lexie and Mark." Mer popped in, April noted how it seemed so strange for her to speak about that plane ride so casually, un-aware of the past April has seem the group go through.

"Nope, not me. Robbins got me kicked off the case. Told her I chose Hopkins." Alex said, mouthful of food.

Jackson's mad moved off April's knee quickly and he seemed a little uncomfortable. "You chose your fellowship already?" He questioned the peds surgeon.

"Yup. Hopkins are offering loan assistance, moving expenses, and it's in Baltimore you know? Nice place, and I think I need a change of scenery."

"Yes, because Baltimore is filled with woman you haven't screwed yet." Cristina said with a laugh.

That's another thing April had missed. Cristina. Her laugh, her jokes, her lovable yet hateable attitude. She missed her.

Ignoring Cristina's comment, Alex spoke up again, "So, I thought you were pretty sold on Tulane?"

Jackson shook his head and shrugged, "I liked it there, but there's still stuff to consider."

"Ha! 'Stuff', by that you mean you're waiting till April chooses her fellowship so you can follow her anywhere she goes now that you're screwing. God, you're lucky she passed her boards, otherwise you would've little no-longer-Virgin Mary right to her farm on Ohio."

"Hey!" Jackson said, kicking Alex's shin under the table, earning a scowl on Alex's face.

April didn't what to say, Alex's comment on passing her boards hurt a lit tle, un-aware in the life she did live, he didn't follow her anywhere. April titled her head up, "Jackson can pick which ever fellowship he wants, it's not about me." She smiled up at Jackson and gave her a small smile back, but he seemed distant, like he was considering something."

"What about your choice, April?" Meredith questioned, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I think I might stay here. Seattle is my home now. I love this hospital, this ER, the people here, this could just be my best option right now."

"No." Jackson said, a hint of almost disbelief in his words at what the redhead had just said.

"No?" April questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"April, you are an extraordinary surgeon. You could rock any program anywhere in the country. So many fellowship's want you. Don't just settle for Seattle because you feel like you've got a duty to this hospital, or Hunt, or whatever else, you said it yourself, this choice isn't about anything else, it's about you. It's your choice." Jackson practically ranted, with that, Jackson lifted his tray, mumbled an excuse about checking Sloan's post-ops, and off he went.

Leaving the redhead speechless.

* * *

April found him in a supply closet, just sitting there, thinking. He seemed so at peace, she thought, it seemed rude to disturb him.

After his rant at lunch, the trauma surgeon decided to let him cool off for her a little why, instead using the day to chase around all the people she had missed, it hurt after a while though, to know their future's, well, the one she had lived. It did cause her to patronise Owen a little more about safety records, although he seemed to be on his last nerve with her, April convinced herself she had convinced him, he couldn't live with herself if she let that plane crash again, but she couldn't convince anyone else the truth that she knew, her mind is pieces, is what led her here, to this supply closet, she needed him.

"You okay?" She peeps up. Slightly startling him as he sits up to look at her.

"I'm fine." He says, offering her a small smile, he pats the ground next to him, and the redhead obliges settling down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you, for what you said today. It did get me thinking. But, Seattle is for me, it is me." April said to him, as he ran a hand down her thigh.

She had given a little thought, after his blow-up, when she failed her boards in her past life, Seattle was the only option, but April couldn't see herself anywhere else. Seattle was home, it is where the family she created was, it was where the best and worst things in her life had happened, it was just her place, her home, when she thought about it, if she had of passed her boards the first time, she probably would've stayed in Seattle anyway.

"So you're definitely decided?" He asks, circling a pattern on her knee.

"I'm definitely decided." She finishes, placing her hand on top of his.

"I just can't do it yet. I can't settle yet, I've got all these scenarios in my head about what will happen depending on the place I choose. And I'm not used to overthinking like this. I just I'm not definite yet. I wish I could settle on home so fast like you can, but I just can't, not yet." He whispers, still drawing patterns on her leg.

"It's okay, you still have time to decide."

"Hunt, wants out choice's by tonight." Jackson adds, with a small laugh.

"That's still time." April says, adding a dimple filled smile.

"Your optimism is cute." He says, running a hand through her hair, and down across her cheek.

"Let's just enjoy tonight, okay? We have Webber's dinner. You decide tonight. Then you can pick where your home will be. Okay?" April questions, staring up at him.

"When did you become so wise?" Jackson says, eyes squinting slightly with a smile.

April has to laugh at that, she's wise beyond her years, she thinks, literally. "Jackson." She repeats pushing him to actually reply to her statement.

"Okay. We'll enjoy tonight and then I'll decide."

* * *

After getting ready in the residents locker, a feeling of unsettlement raised in April's being, partially because Jackson just told her she looked, and she quotes, 'so, so, beautiful', and partially because, the plane is about to set off, and if Owen hasn't listened to her up until this point, she's going to risk it all, she'll tell them anything, even though no one will believe and question her sanity, she has to stop this plane.

April scuffles down to the lobby, telling Jackson she'll might up with him later, she runs a hand through her curls and approaches the lobby entrance, as Alex walks through the doorway, stopping her.

"Aren't you going to Jackson to Webber's dinner?" He questions her.

"Yeah, aren't you? I'm just going to check on Mer and Cristina before their flight goes." April says, trying to move away through him.

"Keep, didn't you hear? Their flight got bumped. They were on a earlier flight."

It's like the words are flashing across her head in bright lights when Alex said that plane was already in sky, she doesn't know if she's done it, saved them or not, she can only think back to earlier today when Jackson complimented her optimism, so she can only rely on one thing to save them now.

 _ **Hope.**_

* * *

 _Hi everyone! Sorry for the wait for this chapter, I've been super busy with school, and a little uninspired to write, hopefully as the story progresses a little more I'll have more to inspire me to write, but anyway, I hope this chapter was enjoyed, and thanks for all the sweet reviews so far!_


	5. Chapter 5: Patience is Key

Patience was a skill April Kepner was lucky enough to have. It was one of the qualities her parents raised her to have, she learnt on the farm that waiting through winter was the worst waiting game ever, but once spring and harvest came, new crops grew, new life grew, they had hope and beauty and that made patience all worth it.

Today though, April Kepner has decided that is crap. Patience is not worth it when you're waiting to know if you saved a whole group of your friends from a plane crash or not. Patience is not worth it when you've been through this life before, and something is forcing you to relive it. Patience was also crap because the steak the redhead ordered an hour ago still hadn't arrived, although that was partially because of Webber badgering the waiting staff not to serve any food until the rest of the residents arrived, which they hadn't.

In all honesty though, she decides she's too nervous and nauseous to eat anyway. She knows Jackson can sense her tension as he sits beside her but - thankfully - decides not to address it. It hurts her to see him oblivious, all of them unaware of the fate she saw in her own past. She remembers this day the first time she lived it so vividly. She remembers getting the call, being told that her own co-workers plane never made it to Boise, being told her own friends had no known whereabouts, being told the people she practicality considered her own family could be hurt _, or worse._ She remembers that day and it still kills her to think about, it kills her to relive it right now, especially because she has no idea why she is here to relive it, if God didn't even give her the chance to change the past and save all those people from suffering.

She assumes that Jackson thought she was nervous and overthinking her fellowship, - which, without the knowledge of her friends possibly perishing in a plane crash, she would be - and that's why he didn't ask about her nervous attitude, as their impending fellowship choices was not a problem he wanted to face yet himself.

April had her eyes trained on the restaurant door for any sign of Meredith and Cristina, but for the past two hours, there had been none.

"Kepner, I know you're all sentimental about this ' _last day we're all together as residents'_

crap, but Cristina and Mer will make it, they wouldn't like to admit it, but it means something to them too." Alex offered her, the first of group to acknowledge her anxiety.

"Oh yeah, Karev, like you can't pretend this means something to you too." Jackson commented with a laugh, making April smile for the first time in hours.

"Oh, be quiet you two. Of course they'll show, the Boise surgery probably just had complications and ran long." Richard offered, finally calling the group to a silence.

* * *

It was another half an hour before April heard the noise she had been begging not to hear. The loud buzzing of her phone, because the last time she heard it, the first time she had lived this moment, the buzzing led to the worst phone call of her life. It was at this exact time, the phone rang in her past life, she remembered that call in a blurred way, as if she's not really sure if she believed that call happened, she remembered a panicked voice of Owen Hunt, she remembered him asking for all them to get to the hospital as fast as possible, he didn't give her the details, specifically, but she remembers two words that will never be a blur, never leave her mind, plane crash.

But that was the past. Well technically, it was now, in some alternate universe, - no matter how many times April has tried to grasp this situation, she can't - so now, in this life, as she presses the answer button on her phone, she is filled with the dread of hearing those words again.

"Kepner!" It's not the voice of Owen Hunt. It's a - slightly pissed off - Cristina Yang.

"Cristina." The redhead gasps out a small smile of relief on her lips.

"Who else would it be? Learn to read your caller ID. Me and Meredith are running late, we are just changing in the hospital."

"You made it to the hospital." April thought, although she realised she had said it out loud.

"Yes, but thanks to you, we were late, I heard you made Hunt switch the plane charter company so that's why our flights were all messed up, the new airline had all this trouble scheduling a new flight for us. Seriously, Kepner, you're that scared about a plane crash? When do those ever actually happen?" Cristina ranted, although it only drew a smile on April's lips.

* * *

After a dinner which was eventually joined by both Mer and Cristina, April felt reassured she saved those lives, and it felt amazing, she had almost a rush of adrenaline flowing through her, as she arrived back at the apartment with Jackson. Alex hadn't joined them back to the apartment, instead deciding to carry out a night of drinking with Cristina and Meredith, the fact that Jackson and April decided not to join in on their drinking shenanigans, created whistles and 'oh-la-la's' from the rest of the group, and a comment from Cristina, "They don't need to join us, they've got something far better waiting for them at home."

And as much as April didn't want to admit it, she was right.

Just as Jackson opened the apartment door and they both stepped inside, the redhead immediately clashed her lips onto Jackson's. He responded by placing his hands tightly around her waist, and kissing her back with full force.

April had missed this. So much. She didn't get to kiss like this, in her past life, the first time she lived this day, and she hadn't kissed Jackson in so long in her other present.

She recalled it, the last time he kissed her. It was the morning before he served her with the divorce papers, he had gotten out of bed earlier than usual and seemed in some sort of rush, she thought nothing of it at the time, but she realises know that he knew it would be their last kiss, it was the first time he truly felt intimate in weeks, she truly felt connected to him that morning, the kiss was soft and sweet, quite short, but it had felt like them, like routine, and April finally thought their marriage was back in track. Jokes on her.

But she mad at the Jackson in her present, the one she had screwed everything up with, the one who just couldn't forgive her.

This Jackson, the one she was reliving her life with, she was already understanding him better, closer to him, this Jackson has no reason to hate her, or full out of love with her, this Jackson was falling _in_ love with her. She couldn't hate him, she could only love him, she had fixed them, a smile drew across April's lips and she again attempted to deepen their kiss, they had somehow ended up on the couch and April was one leg carelessly wrapped around him.

"Wait, wait." Jackson said against her lips, April pulled back in confusion, looking into this eyes.

"I just, I want to tell you something, I feel like I need to tell you."

"Right now?" April giggled, but Jackson didn't retort her joke.

He looked disappointed in himself, a little shameful and his eyes locked onto hers, and his hands searched for hers to slip their hands together.

"April, I chose Tulane. I'm going to do my fellowship in Tulane."

It was in that very moment, the trauma surgeon decided to disregard what she had thought earlier, maybe she could hate this Jackson, after all.

* * *

 ** _So sorry for the shortness and uneventfulness of this chapter, I really felt uninspired and kind of just wanted the plane crash stuff over with. Also, I am so sorry for the long wait on this chapter, my laptop was broken so I couldn't write, and I've also been stuck with a lot of school work lately._**

 ** _Feedback is really appreciated, and I want to see opinions on Jackson's decision, I feel like a lot of people don't understand when April left for Jordan she was doing something for herself, and her intentions were not to hurt Jackson. So I thought it'd be interesting to contrast that idea with Jackson being in the shoes on doing something for himself._**

 ** _Anyway, hope this chapter was enjoyed, thanks for all the sweet reviews so far!_**


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